“I can’t go on. I’ll go on.” So goes possibly the most well-known phrase written by Samuel Beckett, appearing in his 1953 novel The Unnamable. The statement can be interpreted in two immediately discernible ways. Firstly, it has been contemporaneously raised as a mantra for stoicism and perseverance in the face of hardship, and in this inspirational light the phrase is pasted onto pictures of sunsets and mountain ranges. Secondly, it can be read as connoting the biological imperative to function despite whatever suffering overwhelms the mind – our frail and malfunctioning bodies have a certain autonomous lifespan which we, as conscious beings, are ultimately powerless to withstand. This latter interpretation is more in keeping with Beckett’s existential bleakness; the former appropriation within internet culture strikes a humorous incongruity. However, there is a third interpretation running between these two which is, rumour has it, closer to the truth than either: Beckett was actually writing about supporting Tottenham Hotspur.
In the last 10 to 15 years, no club in the Western world has promised as much yet delivered as little as Tottenham. Runners-up in the Champions League in 2019, runners-up in the Premier League in 2016-17, third-place finishers on 2 occasions and 3-time runners-up in the League Cup. Our best chance of domestic glory is now generally deemed the 2015-16 season, where Leicester overcame all odds to win a title no one expected them to – no one except, perhaps, those cynical Tottenham fans who saw their own club entering a title race and knew all-too-well their weak-kneed track-record for sticking a landing. In that season, Tottenham capitulated and ended up third in a two horse race.
Supporting Spurs through these near-glories has been relentlessly turbulent and emotional. Unlike fans remaining ardently loyal to smaller clubs with more modest ambitions, we are teased with divinity year on year. Our potential is not limited to an unlikely victory over a top 4 club, a surprise cup-run, survival from relegation or qualifying for a promotion play-off. In fact, we perennially expect to have cup runs and to challenge the biggest and richest of all them all. The last time such a challenge brought silverware, however, was way back in 2008 with victory in the League Cup, a prize routinely dismissed with the preface Mickey Mouse.
Comparing the expectations with the actual results, one might deem Tottenham fans to be possessed with delusions of grandeur. To deem so, however, would be to ignore the glimmers of brilliance that have permeated the team’s performances in this era: Kane, Eriksen, Dele, Son, Vertonghen, Aldeweireld and Bale are just some of the world-beating players that have combined in various forms to deliver moments as good as any team’s in the country or continent. The key word there, though, is moments.
The emotional turbulence of supporting Tottenham derives from these moments of frail brilliance. We are left to idly revere Lucas Moura’s hat-trick in the Champions League semi-final; we can watch YouTube highlights of Kane’s record number of Derby Day goals versus Arsenal (my personal favourite sees him masked-up and curling one in from a tight 25-yard angle); Son dribbling half the pitch and finishing in Puskas style; a first ever win against Real Madrid; Dele’s two winning headers against Chelsea. We can surmise the Pochettino reign as Tottenham’s greatest in the modern era, wherein we established ourselves as the foremost North London club and a mainstay in the Champions League. All this self-veneration, however, can be dismantled as easily as a house of cards with just one question: ‘But what did you win?’
Tottenham’s brilliance is dependable only in its ability to flatter to deceive. If the club were a romantic partner, they’d be the type to arrange a spontaneous trip to Paris only to forget to bring both your passports to the airport; they’d prepare you a dreamy starter course and then give you salmonella for the main. While Lucas’ aforementioned hat-trick has been framed as an historical Tottenham moment, there is a structure of disavowal involved: the memory of the final presses upon the frame; it must be suppressed for the frame to hold. While we impotently remark that, actually, we dominated the final against Liverpool, and ruefully contend that, actually, we were hard done by conceding a penalty in the opening minute, there is a pattern of unreliability extending across years that overrides such arguments. “Lads, it’s only Tottenham”, Sir Alex Ferguson reportedly once told his team in the White Hart Lane away dressing room, as United were trailing at half time; in doing so he articulated with brutal shortness the spineless niceness the club has become infamous for. Just look up a definition of ‘Spursy’ online and you’ll receive further confirmation of this reputation.
This year has been particularly apt as an exhibit for Tottenham’s unreliability. We have had no fewer than 4 managers in the past 12 months: Jose Mourinho, Ryan Mason, Nuno Espirito Santo and now Antonio Conte. The diversity of these managers showcases Tottenham’s identity issues and the uncertainty of their prestige: the first and last are two of the most decorated in world football; Mason, meanwhile, had never managed a team before being entrusted with leading the side for the League Cup final, whereas Nuno’s greatest achievement was finishing 7th with Wolves one time. We explicitly brought in Mourinho to win trophies, with whom we started 2020–21 season brightly – at the beginning of last December, we were top of the league. However, in a cost-saving last minute operation, Daniel Levy sacked Mourinho the week of his first final with Tottenham, who then became the first club at which the Portuguese manager had never won silverware. And of course, in the final, Mason’s side lost to Guardiola’s.
Tottenham’s decision to employ Mourinho was part of a wider series of gestures from Levy and co to establish the club at the highest echelon, along with building the new stadium, airing the Amazon documentary and entering into the European Super League, a revolting initiative from earlier this year that has been swept under the carpet remarkably quickly. The world’s biggest clubs were caught cheating on the people and, as a coping mechanism, we’ve mostly chosen to just move on and forget about it. While for the other clubs the motive was seemingly just money-oriented, with Tottenham one could detect a shadow goal: to contractually solidify their position amongst the leading European giants, as if to say to its own fans and everyone else’s, “Look, here we are! Do you believe that we’re a big club now?” I’ll truly believe it when I see Kane hold a major trophy.
And so we come to the problem of Kane, the greatest English striker of his generation, second only to Rooney in this millennium. He has fronted Tottenham’s efforts in all the aforementioned cup finals and league challenges, yet remains limited to personal rather than team accolades. Since the 2008 League Cup victory, some 27 players have left Tottenham to win a trophy. Seeking to be the 28th, Kane attempted in the summer to push through a transfer to Manchester City, a move blocked by Levy. Locked in place thanks to a 6 year contract signed in 2018, City and any other interested parties were simply priced out. There is something tragic in this turn of events: unlike most other major players, who are managed by ruthless sharks, Kane’s agent is his brother, whose firm arranged this protracted contracted without a release clause. It therefore appears his humble decision to keep it in the family now keeps him at Tottenham against his will.
Spurs fans hence find ourselves in a highly awkward position: our star player wants to break up with us, yet is held in place by a toxic dependency, necessitating on our behalf yet more mental gymnastics, so as to maintain support in the guise of normality. Although there were rumblings of gripes towards Kane amongst fans, these could never really stick. After all, who more purely embodies the frustrations we feel, emerging from the Pochettino-era empty-handed? Deep down, we understand and empathise with his mental state: not only is he a life-long Spurs fan, but one could scarcely deny his commitment to the team, a team which has failed to match his oft-unparalleled scoring records. He has come within touching distance of winning not only the biggest club trophies but also the Euros with England, and now risks having the status of ‘greatest player to never win a professional trophy’ lorded over him for the rest of his life. Perhaps the congestion in Kane’s nose intensifies the more competitions he loses; I imagine the day he wins one, whatever is lodged up there will come flowing out and his voice will become as light and melodious as a piccolo flute.
While Kane can still attempt to move clubs in the future, Tottenham fans are held in place for life. As supporters, we are born into a routine of unpredictability, of moments of sublimity accompanied by ones of crushing disappointment. The pain and frustration of these swings in fortune has often been deeply disenchanting, to the extent that I have, in certain periods, labelled myself a nominal fan. The almost religious turmoil associated with Tottenham as a club is aptly captured in the film In Bruges. Staring at Hieronymus Bosch’s The Last Judgement, Brendan Gleason asks, “What’s the other place?” “Purgatory,” Colin Farrell replies. “Kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren’t really shit, but you weren’t all that great either. Like Tottenham.”
With football supporting, it remains sacrilege to simply pick the team that would best serve your happiness, and unlike other social reservations on altering one’s personal identity, you would have to say this form of sacrilege is healthy rather than unjust or repressive. If everyone picked a team that way, they’d just support City, and interest in the lower-league teams would dry up altogether. For the vast majority of fans, there is a constant necessity to adjust one’s expectations – one cannot simply pursue pleasure and avoid pain, but must come to terms with the constant oscillations in fortune and in turn embrace them. With Tottenham, the volatility of these oscillations is, perhaps, unrivalled – such is life, and in enduring them, I find consoling parallels with keeping a faith. At the time of writing, Conte has gotten Tottenham shining again. Under his management, we are unbeaten in the league and have just delivered another magic moment for the YouTube ages, in Steven Bergwijn’s historic injury-time brace against Leicester. Given the mundanity of Nuno’s management with the very same team, the passion and intensity Conte has transferred to every player on the pitch, and every fan in the stadium, is remarkably tangible. The fact of this development feels precarious, but it’s enough to rope me back in, to restore my belief. We’re on the up again, but Lord knows for how long.





















